What Is Up With The NPH “Flip Another Man’s Meat” Commercial?

What on Earth is up with this commercial? I know Neil Patrick Harris is a gay man. And I also know that its 2016 and in 2016 if you ain’t gay, you ain’t shit. But was that a blatant gay joke in a national TV ad? Is Heineken actively trying to market to gay dudes? Honestly the only people I know who drink Heineken’s are my Dad and black dudes at bars, so maybe Heineken is trying to break into that elusive gay market? Disposable income like you read about.

(Sidenote – 2016 baby! Sure we may have beloved celebrities dying left and right, evil clowns, terrorists, wars, horrific shootings, and monster hurricanes….. and there’s still 3 months left! But great to see we’ve come to a point that commercials can make a gay joke. You flip that man’s meat and every man’s meat who will have you, Doogie!)

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Score 1 For The Sabermetric Nerds: Phoenix Suns Tracking High-Five Statistics

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NBA.comThe Suns topped the Spurs in points, blocks, and rebounds in their preseason opener on Monday night, but there is one other stat to keep an eye on as the season unfolds.

“We have a high-five stat,” Head Coach Earl Watson said following the 91-86 victory. “I’m being honest with you. This is true. So we want to keep track of how many high-fives we get per game to each other.”

Although this might make basketball analytic experts scoff, there is actually some science behind the theory.

Dacher Keltner, Professor of Psychology at UC Berkeley, in 2015 took one game of every NBA team at the start of the year and coded all of the fist bumps, embraces and high fives.

Look anyone who has ever bowled or gotten on a beer pong heater could’ve told you this. But it’s always nice to see science proving what we already know. Winning = fun. High fives = fun. Ipso fatso, high fives = winning. It’s brilliant really.

It is also the exact opposite of my world-renowned Neck Tattoo Corollary that I developed after watching the Isiah Thomas-era Knicks. It’s simple really – the more players with neck tattoos your roster has, the more games you will lose. Now, 1 or 2 neck tat guys is fine. But when it’s half your roster, that’s when you run into problems. And those Knicks teams were arguably one of the greatest collections of neck tattoos an NBA locker room has ever seen. Eddy Curry, Stephon Marbury, Nate Robinson, Jamal Crawford, Matt Barnes, Quentin Richardson, Wilson Chandler, Zack Randolph. Just a murderer’s row of neck ink and mediocrity. It’s a shame their fearless leader Isiah Thomas got fired over a $10 million sexual harassment lawsuit and the whole thing fell apart. No telling what those rosters could’ve been capable of given a little more time to let that ink dry, so to speak.

 

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El Gary Sanchez Smokes An Intentional Walk Pitch 400 Feet

Safe to say El Gary has established himself as one of the most exciting young hitters in baseball since his call up. Hitter of the week. Rookie of the month. Hitter of the month. Took about 30 seconds before he was the #3 hitter for the Greatest Franchise In All Of Sports. And now he’s carrying the torch as the face of the next generation of Yankee stars.

And this play right here is just another chapter that adds to his growing legend. Who does this? I mean honestly, who stutter steps in the box like Happy Gilmore at the tee, waits an extra tick, then cranks a pitch that was intentionally a foot outside 400 feet to the warning track in CF. El Gary, that’s who.

Can’t wait till Bryce Harper is batting cleanup for him in 3  years.

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I Guess Keon Broxton Is Not A Gold Glove Outfielder?

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My ESPN the Ocho channel was out last night so I missed the Storm Chasers game, but from the sound of this tweet Keon Broxton had a tough go of it. How bad can someone be for the other team to blatantly roast you like this? But then when you consider Broxton has committed 37 errors in his career it starts to make sense. 37 errors! He’s not catching knuckleballs or Jim Abbott-ing on every pitch. He’s a fast outfielder with 2 hands. I picture him similar to Manny diving at a cutoff throw combined with Jose Canseco having a fly ball bounce off his noggin for a HR. And don’t forget the throw from Damon. What a cannon.

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On another note Keon Broxton is such a fake life name. He’s a no-doubter first round pick on the CPU-Generated Fake Names In A Madden Franchise Draft team. And yes obviously Lorenzo Cain is the captain of that team.

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Must Be Fantasy Baseball Season!

Hey spring, you can keep your birds chirping and flowers blooming. The only sign that the seasons are changing I need I need are group texts like this from my fantasy baseball league, heading into our 10th year. Classy bunch, great group of guys.

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Play ballllll!!!!!

hz_mtd

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This Video Made Me LOLZ

 

I know its dumb but the last penalty kick off the crossbar was Grade A stuff.

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This Guy In The State Farm Commercial 100000% Left His Family

 

Look I don’t know much about this guy in the video but I do know that he is not a man of his word. Everything he says he’ll never do – get  married, have kids, move to the suburbs, get a minivan – he ends up doing. So when he says he’s never letting go, what’s the logical next step?

THE DUDE LET’S GO!

By the time this commercial aired he was probably halfway around the world, elbow deep in God knows what. So nice job StateFarm. Any asshole insurance company can target young, responsible families. But insuring deadbeats who abandon their wives and young children is what we call a niche. Don’t worry scumbags, StateFarm has you covered.

Auto? FUCK MINIVANS!

Home? FUCK THE SUBURBS!

Life? DIE YOUNG BITCHES!

Bank? STRAIGHT CASH HOMIE!

 

 

 

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